Joke-a-day – Page 9 – Julia Clement

Comedian Died?

“They said that comedian died … how stupid do they think I am?

I can see they’re still walking and they don’t look like a zombie to me … I hate zombies.” [followed by 2 minute rant about zombies]

On Christmas day all the supermarkets and bottle stores are closed.

Disaster!

Where will Santa get his eggnog?

When someone describes a first world problem, I like to reply “Dreadful, that’s like something out of Dickens” shake my head & walk off …

I would have made a great Disney villain.

DEATH: Here I am, laughing in the face of life.

(The mythological character formerly known as DEATH)

Ironic that the “killer app” to get us all live-streaming our creative endeavours was Covid-19.

Julia: I have a bad cold.

DEATH: That’s funny, I have a bad Julia.

I really like my new name.

I am now called “It’s just a bad cold.”

—

The mythological character formerly known as DEATH.

If Luxon does end homelessness, who’s going to guard the shop doorways in Queen Street overnight?

The homeless woman that normally begs outside the Newmarket burger bar wasn’t there today.

I hope she’s gone somewhere nice for her vacation.

Nobody needs to be unemployed in this country.

You can always get a job sitting outside Burger bars asking for spare change.

A typo prone friend asked if his jokes were any god so I printed them and put one on each of fourteen fresh graves.

No resurrections yet.