OK Julia, you’re supposed to be a comedian.
Think of something funny to say.
Hamlet
No spoilers please, but Hamlet does win in the end, doesn’t he?
I mean Shakespeare wouldn’t be such an amateur that the hero loses?
Swimsuit
Life guard at the pool said my swimsuit was too revealing then asked if I was male or female.
I replied “Then it can’t be that revealing.”
Mnemonic
I wrote a letter today and used the word “Mnemonic” four times.
Every single time I spelled it wrong, so I wrote this little mnemonic to remember it “Many Nematodes Eat Mushy Organic Noodles In Cafes” which would be great if only I could remember how to spell nematoads.
Recipes
My doctor told me I need a lighter diet so I wrote The Helium Cookbook.
Waterview
I wanted to take the Waterview tunnel, but someone told me where it came out.
SPOILER!
Eternity
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
(Paraphrase of Joseph Heller’s, Catch-22. Said about Yossarian.)
Don’t feed the trolls
I don’t understand how Internet trolls function.
How do they get decent WIFI under the bridge?
Scalpers
Totally pissed off at the scalpers.
My show’s been on sale for 4 days & they still haven’t bought all the tickets.
Side Splitting
Comedy’s all fun and games until someone splits their sides.