Some comedians will kill. Others will die.
Either way I’m happy.
Walls
JFK: Ich bin ein Texaner.
Ronald Regan: Mr Trump tear down this wall.
Socks
I buy my socks in pairs, I wear my socks in pairs, I put my socks in the laundry together and I still get odd socks.
I sort of understand this, but how the hell does it happen to my pantyhose?
Student Health
David Seymore: Too many children are spreading Covid at school.
DEATH: Not wanting to endorse breathing, but can’t you limit it to their breaks?
Vikings
Was a viking’s wife a viqueen?
Berries
DEATH: All berries are edible. Some only once.
Surgery
My friend lost a lot of weight off her belly because of surgery that went wrong.
She was gutted.
Camouflage
Syria only has 233 hectares (575 acres) of forest.
Why then did Assad regime Generals go on TV in Jungle camouflage?
Comedian Died?
“They said that comedian died … how stupid do they think I am?
I can see they’re still walking and they don’t look like a zombie to me … I hate zombies.” [followed by 2 minute rant about zombies]
Closed Supermarkets
On Christmas day all the supermarkets and bottle stores are closed.
Disaster!
Where will Santa get his eggnog?
When someone describes a first world problem, I like to reply “Dreadful, that’s like something out of Dickens” shake my head & walk off …
I would have made a great Disney villain.