Best thing about being in a coalition?
You can blame unpopular policies on your partners.
Worst thing?
You get blamed for their bad policies.
Dancing
Tap dancing lesson #1: Drink two pots of tea with no toilet breaks.
Sponsor
Tonight’s dinner was bought to me by the letter C: Chilli, cucumber, courgette, cavocado and comato; into blender and eaten with Corn chips.
Innuendoscope
I’ve just invented the innuendoscope.
It has a small but powerful loudspeaker in the tip that tells risque jokes from inside your anus.
Looking Smart
If I seem smart it’s because I’m copying over the shoulders of geniuses.
Closeted
So let’s get this straight.
Harriet Potter was forced to stay in the closet by her transphobic uncle & aunt?
Decaf
Q: Where is decaf coffee made?
A: Ground zero.
Mouse
If you want a picture of the future, imagine Mickey Mouse’s shoe stamping on a human face — forever.
(After George Orwell, 1984)
Poor Memory
Sometimes I forget I’m dead.
The woman who inherited my PC is baffled whenever she notices I’ve been posting on it.
Rugby
Rugby may be a game of two halves but circles are a game of 2π.