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Julia Clement

Comedian, Playwright, Director, Producer

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Julia Clement

Tag: DEATH

Diet Blood

Diet Blood

“Does the bar serve diet blood or just that crappy blood zero? Asking for a friend.” The mythological creature formerly known as DEATH

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on January 13, 2026January 13, 2026Categories DEATH, Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Blood, Comedy, DEATH, Diet, NZComedy

Et In Arcadia Ego

Et In Arcadia Ego

DEATH: Et in Arcadia Ego. (“Even in Arcadia, there am I”, Mission Bay not Arcadia, but who’s counting?)

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on January 12, 2026January 6, 2026Categories DEATH, Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, DEATH, NZComedy

My Stars Will Align

My Stars Will Align

Julia: One day the stars will align.

DEATH: Yes! On 6 May 2492. It’s the 1,000th anniversary of Columbus’ first trip.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on January 11, 2026January 6, 2026Categories DEATH, Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, DEATH, NZComedy

Salads

Salads

DEATH: Add extra colour to your salads with these pretty red mushrooms.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on January 10, 2026January 4, 2026Categories DEATH, Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, DEATH, Food, NZComedy, Salad

Virgins

Virgins

Stop sending me virgins …

Do I look like a chaperone?

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on January 9, 2026January 4, 2026Categories DEATH, Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, DEATH, NZComedy

Queue Jumping

Queue Jumping

Julia: I think I am dying.

DEATH, The Grin Reaper: I’m awfully busy, wait your turn Julia.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on January 6, 2026January 2, 2026Categories DEATH, Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, DEATH, NZComedy, Sick

Phase

Phase

“Don’t worry about being alive. I know it’s just a phase you’re going through, you’ll grow out of it.” The mythological character formerly known as DEATH.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on January 4, 2026January 2, 2026Categories DEATH, Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, DEATH, NZComedy

Kill or Die

Kill or Die

Some comedians will kill. Others will die.

Either way I’m happy.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on January 3, 2026December 29, 2025Categories DEATH, Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedian, Comedy, DEATH, NZComedy

Student Health

Student Health

David Seymore: Too many children are spreading Covid at school.

DEATH: Not wanting to endorse breathing, but can’t you limit it to their breaks?

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on December 31, 2025December 29, 2025Categories DEATH, Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Covid, DEATH, NZComedy, school

Berries

Berries

DEATH: All berries are edible. Some only once.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on December 29, 2025Categories DEATH, Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Berries, Comedy, DEATH, Food, NZComedy

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