NZComedy – Page 18 – Julia Clement

Waterview

I wanted to take the Waterview tunnel, but someone told me where it came out.

SPOILER!

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

(Paraphrase of Joseph Heller’s, Catch-22. Said about Yossarian.)

I don’t understand how Internet trolls function.

How do they get decent WIFI under the bridge?

Totally pissed off at the scalpers.

My show’s been on sale for 4 days & they still haven’t bought all the tickets.

Comedy’s all fun and games until someone splits their sides.

I’d tell penis jokes, but there’s a shortage.

My iPhone is so old that when I pick it up, Siri says “Number please?”

Question on a quiz show: The main food of Blue Whales is?

Obviously Krill, how’s a whale going to open a can?

If they ban fireworks at Guy Fawkes, how do we stop the papists returning and blowing up parliament?

Time to get tough on people who stand too close to themselves.