A Joke A Day – Page 4 – Julia Clement

Paralympics

One country’s athletes have been banned from Paralympics for doping.

The clue was their diabetic team weren’t in a coma.

Hedgehogs may look cuddly but they are selfish pricks.

Being an uber geek I still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night wondering about major issues like “Do earthworms have parasites?”

So ironic that I’m now DEATH’s ghostwriter.

Celery. Get addicted to celery.

Gambling, sugar, sex, heroin, tobacco, meth-amphetamine addictions will kill you or ruin your life.

Celery is the answer.

Celery is a pretty harmless thing to be addicted to, just don’t mainline the bloody stuff!

I hate the way autocorrect manages to choose the wrong word.

The price of intelligibility is consonant vigilante.

Airline food’s bad because something has to make hospital food look good.

I stopped ride sharing when my car broke down underground.

My mechanic said it was the worst case of carpool tunnel syndrome he’d ever seen.

I’m sick of the conspiracy nuts claiming NASA faked Flash Gordon’s 1934 Moon landing.

Be careful what you wish for.

You might find a specialist who will prescribe it.