Comedy – Page 3 – Julia Clement

Earthquakes

Why are earthquakes centred 45 km underground?

Cowards!

Come up to the surface and fight fair you trembling tremors.

John suspected it was going to be a bad day when he saw his wife’s relationship status had changed to “Widowed”.

I hate washing machines.

They are always stealing my material … especially socks.

There are none so blind as those who won’t wear bifocals.

Waiting at the airport I just got asked by an old couple if I could take a selfie of them. #fail

Organic food’s another name for an old idea.

My mum used to serve up steak and kidney, liver and bacon, sweetbreads, etc.

We just called it “Offal.”

Chocolate is highly toxic to rabbits.

This makes me wonder if the Easter Bunny gives humans chocolate in a lagamorphic attempt to wipe out humanity?

I hate the way autocorrect censors my posts.

Every fishing line.

All the bars and bottle stores being closed at Easter is driving me to drink.

A shart is just nature’s way of reminding you to change your underwear.