Gum crime is out of control!
Yesterday there was a large chunk stuck to my shoe.
Paralympics
One country’s athletes have been banned from Paralympics for doping.
The clue was their diabetic team weren’t in a coma.
Hedgehogs
Hedgehogs may look cuddly but they are selfish pricks.
Insomnia
Being an uber geek I still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night wondering about major issues like “Do earthworms have parasites?”
Ghostwriter
So ironic that I’m now DEATH’s ghostwriter.
Drug of Choice
Celery. Get addicted to celery.
Gambling, sugar, sex, heroin, tobacco, meth-amphetamine addictions will kill you or ruin your life.
Celery is the answer.
Celery is a pretty harmless thing to be addicted to, just don’t mainline the bloody stuff!
Auto Corrupt?
I hate the way autocorrect manages to choose the wrong word.
The price of intelligibility is consonant vigilante.
Airline Food
Airline food’s bad because something has to make hospital food look good.
Ride share
I stopped ride sharing when my car broke down underground.
My mechanic said it was the worst case of carpool tunnel syndrome he’d ever seen.
Moon Landing
I’m sick of the conspiracy nuts claiming NASA faked Flash Gordon’s 1934 Moon landing.